4 Things Men need to Know When Their Woman Becomes a Wife

Marrying the woman of your dreams is the milestone of a lifetime for many men. Becoming the wife of your best friend and partner is the lifelong dream of many women. But what actually happens when a woman becomes a wife? What unspoken lines get crossed? What boundaries get tested? What expectations go unfulfilled? Here are four things new husbands need to know when their woman becomes their wife.

1. She is Your Partner

Your wife is your partner, she is not a child to be controlled, molded, or taught to think or behave as you wish her to. If you didn’t agree with some of her values or found parts of her personality unpleasant you should have reconsidered making her your life partner. People are who they are and deserve to be appreciated, not chiseled away into the person you really wanted.

Your wife is also not your mother. Her charge is not to take care of you, release you from domestic or personal responsibility, clean up your messes, or cater to you. You may decide to split responsibilities in and outside of the home, but both of you are still expected to pull your weight and respect the job each of you do.

2. She Deserves Respect

Marriage is not a license to become abusive, neglectful or take advantage of your spouse’s commitment. Making things official often sparks the idea that a husband now has ownership of his women. And her love, kindness and permissiveness will allow him to get away with being less than a gentleman. Respect doesn’t stop when you walk down the aisle, and both women and the men they marry need to remember that.

3. She Has Autonomy

You women doesn’t need to do or be anything because she is now a wife. This doesn’t mean there are no expectations or responsibilities in the marriage. Only that if something is not expected in the relationship before marriage, the marriage itself doesn’t change it. Holding marriage over a woman’s head and trying to force her into something she’s uncomfortable with is a form of mental abuse. Support, affection and commitment, for example, are necessary for successful marriages. So they should be present before the nuptials. But trying to add something to a marriage that wasn’t in the relationship beforehand doesn’t usually work out.

4. Marriage is a Job

A wife’s needs and husband’s responsibilities don’t decrease after marriage, they increase. Marriage is not a vacation, where you can sit back and relax after a stressful and potentially costly event. After the honeymoon is over, that is when the real work begins. Marriage should be treated as a job. It is something you must work at to make successful, then keep working at to sustain. Women usually understand this and are more than eager to put effort into their partnership. But some men need to be reminded that marriage is a journey, not a destination.

Marriage can be beautiful, but it can also be an oppressing and depressing experience for women. Many men have values, standards and expectations for women that remain hidden until marriage. But instead of buying into a patriarchal and domineering view of marriage, men can create a functional and happy union with the person who should be their best friend.